Umm
by topothegreat
Summary: Anime crossover story written in saturday school. Gaav steals pants, Kenshin cries, Pete wants Omi, Omi wants Aya, and the american censor wants to trash the story.


Disclaimer: I do not own the anime characters in this story. We do however own Pete.  
  
Umm  
  
By Topo The Great and Katty  
  
Chapter 1: Okay! Time to write a Saturday school story!! Writer change= ~  
  
Katty: It was a cold, foggy morning when suddenly...  
  
~T~ the Olympic torch went out. Since it was so dark, no one noticed that their pants were  
  
gone! Everyone began to babble and some to scream. The only calm one was the pants  
  
thief himself, ~K~ who cackled and disappeared into the 33^rd dimension...Where all the  
  
socks go. But now it was no longer just socks and underwear, it was now full of PANTS  
  
too! The thief smiled, and saw that it was good.  
  
At last, he spoke. "Mwa-ha-ha-ha!! At last! My plan is almost complete! Soon I, Gaav  
  
the Demon Dragon King, will have the power of pants! ~T~ And as soon as I pull all of  
  
these pants on, I... will rule...THE WORLD!!"  
  
"Gaavy, sweety." Gaav whirled to see his mother standing in the doorway.  
  
"Mom! How many times have I told you? KNOCK!" Gaav whined as he stealthily  
  
pushed his new collection under the bed.  
  
"Well someone's here to see you. Wants to know where his pants are. Oh, what's-his-  
  
name, uh, ~K~ Himura...something like that?"  
  
Gaav paled. "The Battousai? No! My eeeevil half brother shall not thwart my plan!"  
  
He then dove out the first story window, landed on his face, and found himself looking at  
  
a pair of sandaled feet. "@#&^!!"  
  
"Oro? Gaav-dono! I have found you degozaru! Where have you been? Sessha was  
  
worried degozaru!"  
  
~T~ Uh...well...I wasn't planning something evil." Gaav stood and brushed himself off.  
  
"I know you better than that, Gaave-dono. You're always planning something evil  
  
degozaru." Kenshin smiled. Gaav glared at his pink-shirted enemy.  
  
"Yeah, well. I'm too busy to play with you right now." Gaav turned to climb back into  
  
his window.  
  
"Oh, Gaav-dono. Something strange has happened to my pants degozaru. It seems they  
  
have disappeared." Gaav stopped.  
  
"Nooo!" He screamed and tried to make a run for it. But because Kenshin's pants were  
  
gone, he was ten pounds lighter and twice as fast.  
  
~K~ Kenshin jumped on Gaav like a mad mad monkey and pounded on his back. "You  
  
will return my pants degozaru! I cannot return home without them!"  
  
That's when Gaav cried, "WAAAAH!!"  
  
Kenshin, of course, felt bad upon hearing his half brother cry like a wussy girl. Things  
  
might have gone differently if yet another half brother hadn't have shown up.  
  
"Gaaaaav!" The cry was hear, and then both he and Kenshin were burnt to cartoon  
  
crispies by a ball of flame.  
  
"GAH!"  
  
"ORO?"  
  
They both looked up to see the newcomer, pasty hairy legs bared to the world. He  
  
growled.  
  
Gaav coughed smoke. "T-Tasuki-kun!"  
  
~T~ "Where in the x_x!#% did my pants go?!" Tasuki waved his fan threateningly.  
  
"I...I...I..." Gaav stammered.  
  
"Ah, Tasuki-dono! I haven't seen you since were were 48 and you dyed my last shirt  
  
pink degozaru." Kenshin smiled which only ticked Tasuki off more. "But, Tasuki-dono,  
  
where are the rest of your clothes?"  
  
~K~ "Rekka Shinen!!" All was flaming death.  
  
*somewhere else in the galaxy *  
  
There was a lonely moth just kinda flitting around being happy and being a moth ~T~  
  
when suddenly toxic waste was dumped on it. It began to warp and mutate. First a pig,  
  
then a fly, then a yellow mouse. Finally his transformation was complete. He was now  
  
hairy with long antennae and brown wings. He had become...A moth! He decided to  
  
use this new form to fight crime in the Himalayas.  
  
~K~ And there he met a llama. They were happy, the moth and the llama. They fought  
  
crime and hit things and made a baby. This baby was called a lloth. Here is where our  
  
story truly begins...  
  
Pete the lloth was a happy lloth. Never hurt anybody...except for that one  
  
incident where he found a human suit and ran around calling himself "Manson," but that  
  
was a one-time thing. He was a happy lloth again. ~T~ But it seemed that he was the  
  
only lloth in existence. But one day while doing his chemistry homework, walking down  
  
a trail, whistling Dixie, eatin' crackers, and coverin' one eye he saw another lloth! It  
  
seemed as if he was in a dream. He flew over to it and gave it a big giant humungous  
  
mammoth of a hug. She filed a harassment lawsuit and our hero was thrown in jail.  
  
~K~ And there he met "Tiny," the second only other lloth in existence. Tiny dragged  
  
Pete into the showers and soon Pete became known by another name: "Currency." Yes,  
  
Pete the Bitch was very popular in the prison, a celebrity even. ~T~ It was largely due to  
  
lloth's flexibility, which allowed him to get into abnormal positions. Even with all this  
  
adoration, Pete was a sad lloth. It struck him one day while being attacked in the  
  
showers. "I want my own Bitch!" ~K~ And so the search began.  
  
It didn't take long to find a young blonde Japanese boy (go figure) huddled in the corner  
  
looking scared. Perfect. Pete approached him.  
  
"What are you in for?" He asked the boy.  
  
"I'm an assassin and I killed the Prime Minister of the United States."  
  
"America doesn't have a Prime Minister."  
  
"Not anymore."  
  
Peter was disturbed by this, but he figured that the boy would work out even if he were  
  
daft. So he asked him, "What's your name?"  
  
"Tsukiyono Omi."  
  
~T~ "Omi, huh?" I don't like that name. You are now...Kevin." And so the  
  
Americanization began. Kevin and Pete were made out to be good friends and they no  
  
longer called it "jail" but "The Home For Lost Boys." And when they'd bring in  
  
prostitutes they called them "entertainers" and when they paired off and went into a room  
  
they said the were "playing monopoly."  
  
~K~ Of course, when they actually played monopoly, things got confusing. This was the  
  
case last Tuesday, when Kevin stated screaming out "Parkplace! Parkplace!" and  
  
"You're stuck in my hotel!! Mwa ha ha ha haaa!!"  
  
That was when the lights went out...and their pants were gone again!!! ~T~ Gaav ran  
  
through the shadows of "The Home." "Cool! I've got more pants!" But before he could  
  
escape he was caught by an inmate called "The Boner" but now referred to as "Milk  
  
Bone."  
  
"So, uh, where ya goin'?" Milk Bone leaned against the wall. Gaav saw that MB was  
  
still wearing pants.  
  
~K~ He grinned evilly. "Heh heh. Comere, boney boy!" He started to attack when  
  
Kenshin leaped on him.  
  
"You will steal no more pants degozaru! That is eeeevil!"  
  
Suddenly, another young boy leaped into the fray. It was Kevin, and he was after  
  
Kenshin. "Aya-kuuuun! It's you! It's really really you!"  
  
That was when Kenshin began to cry.  
  
~T~  
  
*screen goes black *  
  
PLEASE STAND BY FOR  
  
TECHNICAL DIFICULTIES  
  
Kenshin is sitting at a campfire cutting onions. Gaav is at the lake doing laundry and  
  
Kenshin and Kevin start to play go fish.  
  
"Wow! You are so good at playing go fish." Kevin said.  
  
"Almost as good as you degozaru." Kenshin picked up a card.  
  
~K~ Kevin grinned. "Almost. Go fish, buddy! BOOYA!!"  
  
Kenshin cried.  
  
*somewhere else *  
  
A large ship crashed down to Earth on the opposite side of the lake Gaav was using.  
  
From its smoking ruins sprung forth yet another red haired bishounen, who cursed loudly.  
  
"Dammit! I just fixed this thing!" Yes, Gene Starwind was rather miffed. Upon noticing  
  
the four men, one feminine looking, one wearing a pink shirt, and one with too many  
  
pants, he grimaced. "First Fred wants me and now I land in a campsite full of-Dammit!"  
  
Gaav sees Gene and waves.  
  
"Hi, pal! Do you need some help?"  
  
"God dammit, No! If you touch me I'm gonna take your manhood and ram it up your  
  
own ass!"  
  
AMERICAN CENSORS MARCH IN  
  
Yes, Gene Starwind was rather miffed. Upon noticing the four campers, who looked  
  
very kind, he grinned." I have such luck. I seem to have landed in just the right spot!"  
  
Gaave sees Gene and waves.  
  
"Hi, pal! Do you need some help?"  
  
"Why, yes, I do! But unfortunately I may have a disease that may, uh, make some people  
  
sick."  
  
~K~ Kevin made a face, "I bet it's the itchy one."  
  
Kenshin smiled. "Oh that one's not so bad degozaru. You just have to apply some cream  
  
every once in a-I mean, yeah!"  
  
Gaav grimaced in sympathy. "First wife?"  
  
Kenshin hung his head. "Hai..." His eyes went gold. " &#@* ing whore. "  
  
Gene scratched the back of his head. "Riiiight. So as I was saying, anybody got a  
  
thermonuclear converter in their pocket?"  
  
Pete stood. "As a matter of fact I...Hey! Where are my pants?!"  
  
Gaav ran.  
  
~T~ "Dammit! My pants!" Gene screamed.  
  
"We have to get those pants back." Kenshin warned.  
  
"I'm not runnin' around with a bunch of tinkerbells like you! But, damn it's getting'  
  
cold." Gene made an effort to cover himself. Omi smiled. "Stop lookin' at me ya fuckin'  
  
fruit!"  
  
"We must put our differences aside and do what's right degozaru." Kenshin  
  
reprimanded.  
  
"I've got a better idea." Gene said. "Why don't you two go catch your fruity friend and  
  
give me my damn pants back!"  
  
~K~ That's when Gene got a frying pant to the back of the head, and a new terror  
  
entered the scene...Kaoru.  
  
(Katty: Wait! The plot is becoming consistent!)  
  
SCENE CHANGE!!  
  
Omi/Kevin (hereto known as Komi) pulled at the thick material covering his body.  
  
"Uh...why am I wearing this huge red dress?"  
  
"Shut up!" Cried Gaav, striking a pose in his keen black biker shorts. "You are the Rose  
  
Bride. I must fight for your honor."  
  
"My what?"  
  
Kenshin sighed. "Just go with it." His hair was down and he was wearing a spiffy white  
  
uniform. "So shall we start, Gaav?"  
  
Gaav cackled and gestured imperiously. "Yes! Komi, begin the chant!"  
  
Komi blinked. "C-Chant?" Suddenly, Babbitt flew over and whispered in his ear.  
  
"OOOOh! OK! Power of Dios that sleeps within me..."  
  
Gaav reached over and yanked an aged katana out of Kami's chest. "Hey! This isn't the  
  
Sword of Dios!"  
  
Another redhead (this one in a black trench w/ ear tails) showed up behind him. "Uh, no,  
  
that's mine." Gaav squealed and jumped into Komi's arms.  
  
Kenshin cried.  
  
~T~  
  
CENSORS  
  
Gaav yanked something from Komi's secret shirt pocket. It was the dancing yellow fish  
  
card that would win him the go fish tournament.  
  
"It's not kind to cheat degozaru." Kenshin said cutting some onions.  
  
"You're right." Gaav hung his head. The red haired one in a trench coat, Aya, looked on  
  
stupefied.  
  
"What in the hell happened? One moment you're about to cut each other up and the next  
  
you're auditioning for the Carebears!"  
  
Censor: Huh? He's immune to the censors?! WHAT THE FUCK?!  
  
~K~ Gaav blinked. "Of course! Want some gummy juice?"  
  
Komi smacked him over the back of the head "Baka! Wrong show!"  
  
Suddenly, the Director of Auditions showed up. There was something different about  
  
this man...something...HE WAS A LLOTH!  
  
Everybody blinked. "Forgotten Pete!"  
  
Aya squealed. "Shnookums!"  
  
Pete cried. "Squizzle toes!"  
  
~T~ They rushed towards eachother. "NOOOO!" The censor ran in between them.  
  
"Not on my watch!" The censor pushed the red button on his remote.  
  
Pete was water coloring a butterfly picture, Kenshin was cutting an onion, Komi was  
  
playing ping-pong withGaav and Aya stood there grimacing.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!  
  
(Bum Bum Bummmmm) 


End file.
